Skip to main content

four years later...

 There is a sense of hope that I am feeling in the air. Many years of unresolved tension have finally been put to rest, and now I try to sleep soundly at night. Four years of nothing but ups and downs, lefts and rights, and it took one conversation to finally give me the peace I had been searching for all along. If I am being completely honest, right now I feel nothing but peace and confusion all at the same time. I am wide awake with the sound of the rain hitting the ground. The pouring rain represents every single feeling I have had hidden in my core, finally being released as a thunderstorm- chaotic and unnecessary, but calm once it is finished. I finally snapped. 

I was once trying to become a girl that I was not. I was willing to change my entire life and being for one person, ignoring the toxicity of it all. Ups and downs, lefts and rights, and one conversation- a conversation that made me realize my worth is much greater than the effort I was putting in and not receiving. After that, I finally had the awareness that I must move on to get the peace and closure that I needed. 

It was not easy, and it still really is not. We need to stop telling ourselves that "soulmates" are the toxic people who keep coming in and out of our lives, and who only fuck us over time and time again. There is a fine line between romance and friendship. You can be friends with someone so great, but sometimes a friendship is all this relationship will ever be. Friends can give you shit and make fun of you just because they are the ones who love you but only in a platonic way. 

So, as I am sitting here at three in the morning, I realize that maybe good and better things are going to happen for me soon. I am only 22 and I have my entire life to continue making mistakes. I am happy that I finally got over something that could have done more harm to me than good. I am happy that I opened myself up to someone new, who reminded me that I am a good person even after wasting years of my life trying to change who I was. I do not hate anyone, as much as I would really like to. Every single person on this earth that has walked into my life did so for a reason. We are all learning how to venture into this crazy world, even at the darkest of times. Right now, I am going to fully embrace who I am, who I am becoming, and who I will be in the future. I am okay right now, but tomorrow may be different. Remember, it is okay to not be okay, and it is okay to feel pain in your heart. Always remember, you have a wonderful support system standing right beside you through every single obstacle you are facing. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wicked Part One: A Film That Leaves You Changed "For Good"

 I was 17, on a flight to the Bahamas for a family vacation, when I first listened to the Wicked Broadway soundtrack. Staring out the window at the endless clouds, I felt like I was soaring right alongside Elphaba as she defied gravity. That music stayed with me, becoming a soundtrack to a summer I’ll never forget. Years later, sitting in the audience at Playhouse Square, I watched the story come to life on stage, and it changed me “for good.” So, when the movie finally came out, I walked into the theater with high hopes—and let me tell you, I was utterly blown away. Wicked: Part 1 was released in November 2024, directed by Jon M. Chu, starring Ariana Grande as Glinda and Cynthia Erivo as Elphaba. It’s a fantasy musical adaptation of the Broadway hit and novel by Gregory Maguire. It starts with celebrating the Wicked Witch of the West’s downfall after melting and perishing to her doom. Although all seems fine and celebratory in the Land of Oz, we later learn that the Wicked Witch, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Bride Survival Guide: The Truth About Being a Bride

Congratulations! You're engaged!  Now is supposed to be the happiest time of your life. You get to marry the man or woman you love, plan a giant party (or a small one, if you prefer) with all your close friends and family, and wear the most beautiful gown. If any of these things make you anxious, you are not alone. Many brides feel overwhelmed during their "Engaged Era," and many don't get the support they need when feeling this way.  While this is an exhilarating time, your nerves and anxieties are valid. The second you get that ring on your finger, your personal life and boundaries go right out the door, and everyone wants to know every detail, even some that you haven't even planned out or thought about yet! When is the date? Where did you get your dress? What does it look like? But here's the thing: no one asks how you are doing.  Here is my hot take: society has made weddings so impractical and unreasonable that any bride-to-be feels overwhelmed. Everythi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Rifts and Rays: Restoring Kindness in a Fractured World

 In a world where things are often dark and negativity creeps around every corner, there is always a rift in the clouds for the sun to appear. Today, we are experiencing more cloudy days than sunny. People no longer respect boundaries or treat others with respect because they do not see eye to eye with other individuals. This is creating a rift in our world.  When did people stop caring about treating others the way we want to be treated? When did people think that it is okay to put others down because they are different from us? When was this ever okay to accept in our society? The answer is never. We, as humans, act upon how we observe others. When we see other individuals we love tearing someone else down, we do the same. The pattern continues until later down the line someone wakes up and stops it, breaking the cycle and starting a new pattern from scratch. We all have different religious affiliations and beliefs, but when did any of that mean disrespecting your neighbor?...
Post a Comment
Read more