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the girl behind the mask

 You may think everything is fine, but it really is not. On my end, I show a happy and positive exterior, trying to hide and avoid the problems and emotions I am facing on the inside. I am barely trying to keep myself together, but I am moving past these obstacles slowly and surely. I am not okay right now, and I am not going to be okay tomorrow. Healing takes time. Healing is all about growth, and I am growing each and every single day. We all are. 

Heartbreak is something we are all afraid of, but we all are going to experience it eventually. The thing is, I never really thought about it when I started this. I went into it fearlessly, and I ended up with a wounded heart. My first real heartbreak and I cannot even allow myself to feel what I need to. Am I sad? Of course. Am I angry? Most definitely, but I am not holding a grudge. I have always felt that I need to be the person who brings everyone together, who fixes every wound, but that is something I cannot do for my own self, I know that now. I never liked to show my sadness because I have always believed sadness to be weak. Ironically, I have been experiencing so much pain and sadness for almost half of my life. For once, I would just like to not feel like I have been left behind or that I am not good enough. There is nothing more difficult to grasp than a harsh reality that not everyone is going to get the happily ever they are longing for. 

When you realize your potential and your worth, there is so much more in store for you. I have a lot of thoughts racing through my head right now, but I know that I am worthier than anything else. I have the potential to become someone great, and I will never let my own doubts that are running around in my head dictate my full potential. I am not alright, but I will forever act like I am to keep the peace. 

The most important takeaway from everything that I have learned these past few months is that no one is ever put into your life on accident. Every person has a purpose for being in your life. It might not be a permanent stay, but every single person teaches you a different lesson in life that you will one day look back and be grateful for. 

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